I miss you my son

Its been 14 months since you were gone
I miss you painfully my son it is hard to describe
I miss so many things about you I cannot but weep and howl

I miss your gentle voice calling me Hi mom
And telling me about your next arriving flight
I miss the joy engulfing me whenever I hear you were
to come and visit for a while
I miss your delightful news of places near and far
I miss your youthful energy in the house doing many things in a glance
I miss seeing you in my kitchen cooking our meals with a big smile
I miss you, miss you my son

I miss the scent of your soap after your bath
I miss seeing the light under your door at night
I miss our walks together by the railway line
I miss seeing you in the passenger seat beside me driving you happily
to the gym, to the station or to the farmer’s market
or just driving in the fields around.

I look at the empty passenger seat sometimes
and sigh with sorrow deep in my heart
I see you sitting beside me
I see your wide smile, your dreamy eyes and sense your tender love
You were always patient with your mom’s driving
You were always tolerant with your mom’s cooking
and often said “Mom I’ll cook dinner tonight”

I miss your strong arms helping me carry the shopping all the time
I miss your strength in carrying heavy loads to the loft without toil
I miss our little journeys to the second hand stores to distribute bundles of clothes
I’ll have to go soon and distribute your belongings to the charity shops alone
I miss your vigour in doing all the tough gardening jobs during summertime
I miss you painfully my son, I love you greatly.

I don’t know how to bring you back to my life.
You were my life and when you were gone the life in me dried and died
I can’t find a way out of all that
I just long for you all the time and can’t think of anything except you my son
I cry, sob and shed tons of tears that cannot dry
I call your name at night and dream of happier times
Happier times will come when I join you, my beloved son,
in heaven at last.
Najwa Mounla
(Um Haas)