Mother's Day: A Happy and Sad Occasion-Open to Hope

http://www.opentohope.com/mothers-day-a-happy-and-sad-occasion/

MOTHER’S DAY: A HAPPY AND SAD OCCASION

Written by Randah Hamadeh on Monday, April 6, 2015

One Mother’s Day after another passes by since I lost my daughter in September 2006. It does not get easier as years go by. How can this day not intensify my grief after losing one of my three children? Mother’s Day will never be the same ever! This day that used to bring me joy will always be blended with sadness. It is yet another reminder that one of my children left a big void in my home and life.
On this day, I always have this wish to go back in time to when all my three children woke up early on this special day to make me breakfast and bring it to me in bed with their smiling faces, the cards they drew and presents they thoughtfully bought. Unfortunately, such a wish does not come true, but I carry this beautiful memory in my heart all day long every Mother’s Day.
The last time I had a complete Mother’s Day was in 2003 when all my children were still at home. Later that year, my eldest went to university abroad followed by my middle child in 2004. I celebrated the last Mother’s Day with my youngest, my deceased daughter, in 2005. The following year, I had to be away to be with my mother who was undergoing a major operation on that specific day. I always felt that something was missing when one of my children was away on Mother’s Day and other special occasions, but it never occurred to me that I would have such day as a bereaved mother.
My sadness does not need a trigger on this day as it never leaves me but there are things that happen that heighten my feelings more overtly.  I received a Mother’s Day message from a friend that implied that mothers out live their children. My tears flooded my face. Mother’s Day is hard enough for bereaved mothers; alas people tend to forget this. I do hope that mothers do not take for granted their children being alive as much as the children celebrate their mothers. Every moment should be treasured between a mother and her child on this special day and throughout the year, as we can never guarantee that we can have another Mother’s Day together.
All this does not make me forget my blessings. I am very fortunate to have two lovely children and a kind husband who are thoughtful and in their special way try to make Mother’s Day easier on me. They are the ones who evidenced Mother’s Day when my daughter was alive and share the emptiness she left during special occasions that are even more profound on Mother’s Day.
Randah R. Hamadeh
Author,  Summer Rays: Solace to Bereaved Parents

لؤي طه كتب في عيد ميلاد سمر

رُغم الغياب ورغم أن السماء أعطت لعمري إليها تذكرة سفر

لم نفترق، ولم تزل روحي لديكم

أمي معشوقة طفولتي، أبي تاج الحنان

وأنتما يا زنابق قلبي قدر وعمر

والآن صار في المكان حبيبة رنيم توأم لعمر

أمي إليكِ أبوح بفرحي

افتحي شرفات ابتسامتك

ها أنا أدخل على طرف روحي بعيد ميلادي

أنا التي لا أنسى ولا أُنسى

أنا من تلد في كل همسة بقلبك

أنا التي تعشقكم رغم الغياب والسفر

كل عام وأنت أمي وغاليتي

حبيبة قلبك سمر!

الشاعر لؤي طه
٤ ابريل ٢٠١٥

Celebrate My Birthday Cont...

Celebrate My Birthday

April 2015

Mother's Day: A Happy and Sad Occasion

One Mother’s Day after another passes by since I lost my daughter in September 2006. It does not get easier as years go by. How can this day not intensify my grief after losing one of my three children? Mother’s Day will never be the same ever! This day that used to bring me joy will always be blended with sadness. It is yet another reminder that one of my children left a big void in my home and life.

On this day I always have this wish to go back in time to when all my three children woke up early on this special day to make me breakfast and bring it to me in bed with their smiling faces, the cards they drew and presents they thoughtfully bought. Unfortunately, such a wish does not come true but I carry this beautiful memory in my heart all day long every Mother’s Day.

The last time I had a complete Mother’s Day was in 2003 when all my children were still at home. Later that year, my eldest went to university abroad followed by my middle child in 2004. I celebrated the last Mother’s Day with my youngest, my deceased daughter in 2005. The following year I had to be away to be with my mother who was undergoing a major operation on that specific day. I always felt that something was missing when one of my children was away on Mother’s Day and other special occasions, but it never occurred to me that I would have such day as a bereaved mother.

My sadness does not need a trigger on this day as it never leaves me but there are things that happen that heighten my feelings more overtly.  I received a Mother’s Day message from a friend that implied that mothers out live their children. My tears flooded my face. Mother’s Day is hard enough for bereaved mothers; alas people tend to forget this. I do hope that mothers do not take for granted their children being alive as much as the children celebrate their mothers. Every moment should be treasured between a mother and her child on this special day and throughout the year, as we can never guarantee that we can have another Mother’s Day together.

All this does not make me forget my blessings. I am very fortunate to have two lovely children and a kind husband who are thoughtful and in their special way try to make Mother’s Day easier on me. They are the ones who evidenced Mother’s Day when my daughter was alive and share the emptiness she left during special occasions that are even more profound on Mother’s Day.    

Randah R. Hamadeh

Author of Summer Rays

21 March 2015

لا تحزني

ابنتك اختارها الله، كوني على يقين

رحلت قبل أوانها وكانت من أوائل المتوفيين

نصيبها أن تحيا أياما معدودات وسنين

لم تخلق لهذه الدنيا! لانها من المختارين

.هنالك اشارات بأنها من المقربين

ان شاء الله ابنتك في الجنة مع الفائزين

دعواتنا ان تكون الى جانب الصديقين

 ستسعد  بإذن الله  بلقاء الأمين

سبقتك من حبها  لتشفع لك يوم الدين

تنتظرك وتنتظر باقي الاهل و المحبين

عسى أن تلتقوا وتسعدوا في الآخرة أجمعين

.لا تحزني! فقد بشر الله كل الصابرين

رنده ربحي حماده

جميع الحقوق محفوظة للمؤلفة© ٢٠١٥

March 2015

To Samar...

To Samar

YEARS AFTER DAUGHTER’S DEATH, AN EXTRAORDINARY DAY

http://www.opentohope.com/years-after-daughters-death-an-extraordinary-day/

YEARS AFTER DAUGHTER’S DEATH, AN EXTRAORDINARY DAY

Written by Randah Hamadeh on Sunday, February 8, 2015

I have been to our university’s graduation parties several times since my daughter passed away, but they were never held in the same hall that her high school graduation had taken place at. I did not step in that building since her graduation eight years ago.

I woke up apprehensive of what was awaiting me this morning. Everyone at home knew that I was uncomfortable. My son tried to reassure me that I would be all right as I kissed him on my way out with the gown in my hands. My daughter gave me a hug.

Despite my feelings, I thought that I owed it to my students and  my institution to force myself to attend.

I drove to the venue and as soon as my car entered the parking lot, I looked for hers, the yellow MINI that she asked us to hire for her for the BIG Day eight years ago. It was definitely not there. My tears were flowing over my face. The emotional state that I was in was beyond description. I was so confused that I forgot my eyeglasses and headed to the venue with my sunglasses instead. As I went in, the first person I saw was a graduate who shouted my name with excitement and hugged me. She insisted on taking a photograph with me. It brought so many memories.

I took my place next to my colleagues and started talking to one about  a topic other  than graduation. It did not help. I gazed at the stage and remembered how my daughter sat there. Her image did not go away. One of my colleagues kept on praising how great the venue was. She wondered why I was not saying, “Sure, it is great.” Little did she know how I felt! I looked at the faces of my graduates; they were so happy. My daughter was two years older than they, and they had become doctors. She never had the chance to go to university.

At the end of the ceremony, I saw one of graduates who was always friendly to me. He hugged me and  was in tears. His tears gave mine the permission to openly flow without hesitation. I told my student that I would miss him when I pass by that corridor in the university where I used to see him.  His father had tears in his eyes when he saw us hugging  and thanked me for the nice words I said. 

A colleague of mine was astonished to see me in tears. She asked me, “Did you remember your daughter?” I wanted to tell her, “I did not forget to remember,” but instead my tears said it all. Another  colleague of mine said, “It must be  so hard.” I just wanted to disappear as my tears increased and my colleagues wondered what had happened to me. One hugged me and another kept on telling me, “Finish, let the past go.” Another said, “I want you to know that we support you.” Another wondered what was going on and thought that the best thing was to completely change the subject and ask me about my son and his fiancee. They were confused not knowing how to deal with me. I just wanted to leave.

In the evening, I had to go to the engagement party to one of my deceased daughter’s best friends. The hard day was not over. As I got out of the car, a MINI was parked in front of the restaurant. I realized then that my deceased daughter had been with me all day!

 

Miss you my angel

إحساس غريب

إحساس غريب إنتابني

شعرت بطيفك زارني

أهو حلم يا ترى؟

حيث إنني لم أسمع ولم أرى

أحسست بأنك كنت معي

و لم أكن عن شئ أعي

طيبني ذلك الرحيق

ولامسني جلدك الرقيق

لا يمكن وصف هذا الشعور

الذي جعلني أحلق كالطيور

هدية تخففي بها الآلام

حتى ولو أنها خلت من الكلام

تمنيت لو دامت تلك اللحظات

رغم علمي بأنك معي كل الأوقات

رنده ربحي حماده(أم سمر)
جميع الحقوق محفوظة للمؤلفة© ٢٠١٥

February 2015

January 2015

2015 Calendar

You Are Not The Only One

You are not the only one suffering from loss

Or the first grieving person I came across

Remember that we have issues of our own,

Others had losses. You are not alone.

How could she make such a comment?

Was every word truly meant?

Grief is not a competition. Why compare?

Her painful words were so unfair.

  

Of my pain and loss, I will no more speak

I realize that it makes some freak.

I wish she never made this remark

On my lonely path I will embark.

Randah R. Hamadeh, 2015, Copyright©
Author, Summer Rays-Solace for Bereaved Parents

Another Year Without You My Dearest Daughter

Samar's bench in IKNS Library

!!! أليس من حقي أن أحزن

تختلسون النظر إلي إن بدأت أبكي

وتخشون أن أقص عليكم عن ابنتي وأشكي

وألاحظ وجهوكم تعبس عندما  أنوي

الحديث عن ابنتي وحبي لها أروي

ماذا تتوقعون يا أهل الخير، بربي؟

أأنسى بأنني فقدت قطعة من قلبي؟

وأكتم بين ثنايا أضلعي  شوقي وحبي؟

ولا اشكي حنيني لها  الا  لربي

 وان حبست شوقي في صدري

فإن حبي سيصدح  من عيناي  ويدوي

رنده ربحي حماده

(أم سمر)

جميع الحقوق محفوظة للمؤلفة© ٢٠١٤

December 2014