One Mother’s Day after another passes by since I lost my
daughter in September 2006. It does not get easier as years go by. How can this
day not intensify my grief after losing one of my three children? Mother’s Day
will never be the same ever! This day that used to bring me joy will always be
blended with sadness. It is yet another reminder that one of my children left a
big void in my home and life.
On this day I always have this wish to go back in time to
when all my three children woke up early on this special day to make me
breakfast and bring it to me in bed with their smiling faces, the cards they
drew and presents they thoughtfully bought. Unfortunately, such a wish does not
come true but I carry this beautiful memory in my heart all day long every
Mother’s Day.
The last time I had a complete Mother’s Day was in 2003 when all
my children were still at home. Later that year, my eldest went to university abroad
followed by my middle child in 2004. I celebrated the last Mother’s Day with my
youngest, my deceased daughter in 2005. The following year I had to be away to
be with my mother who was undergoing a major operation on that specific day. I always
felt that something was missing when one of my children was away on Mother’s
Day and other special occasions, but it never occurred to me that I would have
such day as a bereaved mother.
My sadness does not need a trigger on this day as it never
leaves me but there are things that happen that heighten my feelings more overtly. I received a Mother’s Day message from a
friend that implied that mothers out live their children. My tears flooded my
face. Mother’s Day is hard enough for bereaved mothers; alas people tend to
forget this. I do hope that mothers do not take for granted their children
being alive as much as the children celebrate their mothers. Every moment
should be treasured between a mother and her child on this special day and
throughout the year, as we can never guarantee that we can have another Mother’s
Day together.
All this does not make me forget my blessings. I am very fortunate
to have two lovely children and a kind husband who are thoughtful and in their
special way try to make Mother’s Day easier on me. They are the ones who
evidenced Mother’s Day when my daughter was alive and share the emptiness she
left during special occasions that are even more profound on Mother’s Day.
Randah R. Hamadeh
Author of Summer Rays
21 March 2015
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