Number 4

It was a very painful feeling to carry my gown and go to the university this morning as we had the 25th silver anniversary celebration and the graduation ceremony. There was this heaviness and throbbing pain in my chest that I had to carry with me along with my Oxford gown, the bag that had my shoes, and other things. I had first worn the Doctorate gown in Oxford for taking pictures after I completed my viva on March 1st, 1988. I had to rent a gown then as Ahmed insisted that I should take pictures for the sake of memory and since I will be unable to come for the graduation because of the new baby who was arriving soon, Omar and Qadar . I was not so much keen to take pictures before the results were out but agreed as it was my only chance to have a picture in the Oxford Gown. At that time in March 1988, I was carrying SAMAR inside me as I am carrying her now. I was then 8 months pregnant.

As faculty we were asked to park in the agricultural land of the university and not in our usual parking area which was allocated for dignitaries. As a chair of department, I was given a ticket for the parking and it read parking number 4. I went and parked in the agricultural land and carried my stuff and walked in the sand and dirt until I reached the entrance after walking for a while. As I arrived flushed, with my shoes completely covered with sand, I suddenly saw in the nearby park next to the Accident and Emergency (A/E) entrance, a big sign with number 4 on it. I was amazed and for a moment got confused. Although I knew that we were to park in the agricultural land but at that moment I thought that I had done a mistake. I went into the building, left my clothes with the security men and told them that I should have parked in the A/E area and that I will go and get my car. No one seemed to disagree or correct me!! I went back and drove the car to the A/E parking lot but the security man stopped me. He told me that I was in the wrong place and parking number 4 was in the agricultural land where I parked earlier. I felt frustrated, explained to the man that I saw the number 4 sign but he insisted that I was wrong. I then said “Oh my God, I have to go back again. What a morning!” He smiled and said “You are a very special and dear person; I will not allow myself to make you do that.” He then opened the gate for me to enter. As I parked I saw again the number 4 sign and realized that it is the blessings of SAMAR . She wanted to help me. I do believe that she knew what I was going through this morning and wanted to make it easier on me by indicating that she is with me on this difficult day. She as well did not want me to walk at night in this dark area where the heels of the shoes go deep into the sand and the possibility of falling is high.

I then went up to my office which overlooks the A/E and I told Nawal, my friend and secretary the story. She laughed at first and then she rushed to the window. She said “Oh my God, it is number 4!” We then realized that all the signs for the parking spaces were on a small truck with number 4 being the first and the other numbers were behind it. I did not see the other numbers before when I was in the parking space. However, but we could see them now from my office on the 2nd floor. Nawal commented that this is very strange indeed! An hour later the truck moved with the signs and placed sign number 4 in the allocated place.

I stayed all morning thinking of SAMAR and number 4. The heaviness in my chest was lighter and the ceremony was not as bad as I thought. Somehow the circumstances did not allow the graduates to interact a lot with faculty which suited me well. As I left in the evening before the ceremony ended around 7:30 pm, I saw Nawal calling her driver to be picked up. He was unable to come as he was with her kids so I offered to take her home. It was a good feeling for both of us to get out of the building and find my car so close. I guess I was looked after today!

Um Samar

April 30th,2008